Journal entries

by redvultureblacksaffron

As promised here are some of my journal entries regarding spiritual experiences. 

The Morrigan would rather I didn’t talk about Her at the moment, so I’ll leave out those entries.

I have some thoughts in here *flips pages* about spiritual gender, but I’d like to do a whole other post about that so I’ll skim over for now:

Nephthys comes whenever She pleases, Her wings covering me. An altered state comes immediately. She comes with great black wings, always close and personal, breathing life in to me. Sometimes She has a face of bleached bone. Other times, flesh. I breathe life back in to Her and a closed circuit is created. She fills me with liquid night. 

***

Nephthys gives me a net of colored stones for my hair. The gifts humble me.

***

Nephthys so close. More about Her darker face. Part of Her seems hungry. 

***

Glory and adoration to you, Nephthys, on this your holy day.

***

Today as I was praying to Nephthys I thought of Nut. I said a prayer for Her, too. I could feel her. It was as if Nephthys was in my arms, or putting Her hands on my shoulders, and Nut was spread over us. It reminded me of those pictures showing three generations of women standing together. Of course that brought me up short. Aren’t these feminine things I’m being taught? Mercy, kindness, mental balm? But then I realized that those things don’t need to be gendered at all. 

***

Nephthys comes heavy and black, so much so that I, with my eyes closed, start to feel afraid. I have to look before I am suffocated, before I have my throat cut, but of course there is nothing. 

***

Nephthys places Her feather cloak around my weary shoulders. I curl up in Her arms. She has such a kind and gentle aspect, but even when She grows fearsome and vomits fire, I cling to Her. Even when Her face is a skull, I stare in to Her empty eye sockets.

***

The starry path between me and Her. 

————

Now, lest you think I have never fucked up and been chastised, let me share with you a couple of times where I’ve earned her disapproval (since pointing out that I have fallen on my face was part of Her agreeing to me writing this post)

The first time, I wanted a writing job particularly badly. And I knew that if I asked Nephthys for help, She would give it. The power was resting under my breast bone for days waiting for me to release it at the altar. But for some dumb reason I got the idea that I should ask MORE gods for help with this particular want. I mean MORE gods are always better right? Yeah…don’t make that mistake. I ended up with five or so deities jostling for position and She got so pissed off at me that the power I had at my disposal fizzled.

The second time, I really REALLY wanted to bitch about something to one of my partners. I knew I shouldn’t and I did it anyway. I felt better in one sense, but decidedly NOT better in another. I ended up having to apologize to Her for that one too.

I hope these entries have been of some interest! 

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