Can I get some help?

by redvultureblacksaffron

UPG blah blah 

So lately the Lady of Sleep has been visiting. I don’t want to use Her proper names. Whether this is a holdover from my shamanic stuff (Mysteries, don’t talk about power lest you lose it) or because She doesn’t want me to isn’t entirely clear, but I am going to err on the side of caution.

Here’s the thing. She comes to my altar and we have these very deep experiences where I am like, wow I can really understand why those snake handlers have such ecstatic ceremonies, because the presence of a god can do that to you. What I get from her is ultimately love, though I am not so naive as to suppose Her only face is a mothering one. Then again I don’t really fear death overmuch, though like any mortal thing I fear dying in inopportune circumstances or with my work undone. So when I see Her other aspects I’m not afraid of them, just quietly awed at every new mystery, every new facet.

That said, sometimes when She departs, there’s a…presence that remains. The weird thing is I don’t think this presence is Her, per se, though once I felt that after Her visit She might have taken this form on exit. Or perhaps it was that She left and then there was room for this second entity to swoop in.

When I think about it, it seems like a huge corvid that is utterly impassive. It isn’t malevolent, exactly, just completely dispassionate. All it does is stare at me. If you picture my inner spiritual landscape like a clock, it always feels like it’s at between seven and eight o’clock/ (things in my landscape have positions, I don’t know how to describe it better than this as of yet) Even when the Lady of Sleep isn’t here to where I can feel Her, this crow is.

Now I know the obvious answer is IT’S THE MORRIGAN, DUH, YOU’RE A MORRIGAN PERSON, but I have the sense that such an answer is a little simplistic. I’m not sure if it’s a netjeri of some kind sent by the Lady, or a spirit guide, or even a form of Aset. I perceive Aset as intimidatingly…huge. Primal. All I can see when I think of Her is an expanse of black wings that threaten to blot me out completely, a being that has been around since the very dawn of the world. I can well imagine Her regard as being as dispassionate as this. 

Does anyone have any insight? I would appreciate all guesses and thoughts. I usually have a very clear intuition for things like this because I’m a…I don’t know what you would call it. A channel? Almost always on the godphone? A friend called me a spiritual Geiger Counter once. Suffice to say, I’m usually plugged in to the other world. But this one has me stumped and I am not as of yet good at divination, so I turn to you.